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90 Seconds In Heaven: Av's Prevail As Coyotes Try to Revive Dead Puck Era |
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If you've ever had the experience of going to a rural public school that has almost no money and thus sends you on the same damn field trip every year, then you've got the experience with boredom necessary to enjoy the Coyotes style of hockey.
Choke the rush. Clog the middle. Pretend you didn't trade for Taylor Hall. Leash up your stars and try to lull your opponent into submission. Then sit back and let the goalie handle it from there.
While there is probably no truth to the rumour that Coyotes coach Rick Tocchet has instructed to his players to hum lullabies while out on the ice, I can't for sure that it isn't happening.
Did Brad Richardson get kicked out of an important face off yesterday for reciting "Good Night Moon" before the linesman dropped the puck?
The team won't say.
But what we do know is that 58:30 isn't quite good enough to get the job done.
90 seconds.
The time it takes Michael Scott to brush his teeth nine times, or a really good pee. A decent Misfits song, or the length of time needed to blow a hockey game, apparently.
The Coyotes had a 40% Corsi, while the Avalanche picked up 70% of the total shots and 80% of the dangerous scoring chances. (naturalstattrick.com).
All in all, if you were still awake during those 90 seconds, it was so exciting you may have forgotten who you are cheering for.
Why do the Coyotes play this way?
Because its effective.
The NHL calls maybe one in ten penalties, the ice is garbage (even more so than usual), and if your goalie is hot you'll probably win more often than not playing like this.
The Leafs, Penguins and Oilers all lost to teams who play boring garbage hockey and rely on a goalie to do the heavy lifting.
The NHL could just call its own rule book, remove even-up calls from the equation and do what is necessary to improve ice conditions, and then this would stop happening.
The NHL's three biggest stars are on the sidelines - four if you count Panarin - and the reason is mainly because bad ice, a condensed schedule and terrible officiating give a huge advantage to teams that play like Montreal, Columbus and Phoenix.
Should there be rules about spacing out your players? An illegal defense call? Maybe not a bad idea, but if the league just called all the penalties, there would be too many power-plays for teams like Arizona to get by doing what they do.
And the worst thing is that Arizona employs Taylor Hall, Clayton Keller, Conner Garland, Barrett Hayton, OEL and Jacob Chychrun. They could play a fun style of hockey.
But that is for losers.
I am telling you, whenever some big mouth basement dwelling loser tells me that I DON"T WATCH THE GAMES the only thing I can think about is how I wish it were true.
The Coyotes play like their favorite food is oatmeal.
They play like their favorite music is contemporary pop songs re-recorded by an out of work orchestra.
Their games occasionally resemble watching a full length Lawrence of Arabia remake with Pauly Shore as Lawrence.
The NHL - it seems to me - is dangerously close to falling back into the Dead Puck Era.
My god, you've got summer playoffs and four of the six best HART Trophy candidates are already out.
It's kind of a bad look if your MVPs don't actually affect the games.
Anyways, were was I?
Oh yeah, here is a stat that illustrates the Coyotes game plan:
Despite there only being seven total minutes of non-5v5 play in the entire game, the Coyotes played Lawson Crouse more at 5v5 than Taylor Hall.
The team's most used 5v5 players: Goligoski, Oesterle and Demers.
All in all, ten players played more than former MVP and guy who doesn't need directions to the other team's goalie, Taylor Hall.
I am honestly not sure who to cheer for at this point. Sure, I want the Coyotes to win, but at the same time, I don't want to reward this behavior.
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